:: give up ::

during this break, during the second week i din touch anything about study. pei mum almost everyday but well it is just useless what she need is my bro.. tired of thinking about them everytime just treated like nobody. efforts goes to drain. scolding is always me. i should not care so much le do what i want seen people dun give face. why should i kept thinking on the bright side which is pointless... really felt tired to talk to them, accompany them, listen to them, do what they want me to... well i guess all this years of listen and things i did to them is nothing. to them i am just a bag to release their stress. not even one of them really know what i feel, what i m facing. i m alway a loser. i try not to think that way but after something the feeling is still there. i know i cant lie myself so i m now going to face it. seen all mum need is bro then i shalll left and stop what i do. it is time for myself. i m not going to give up any more things nor listening to them , career, relationship, life, future. use to talk and encourage my friend to give hope to her bias parents but it is hard. i always understand just din say out. coz keep talking about it or keep thinking is pointless.... just be therewhen needed ba. seen i m such a bad, useless, lazy member in the family i just leave things aside. tiring can make a person give up all hopes. and now i m feeling this, so i m not going to care them. i dun want to be stupid anymore. jealous inbetween family member really suck bbig time. it is the strongtest enemy in family. so more to say but i want to stop it here, just here.

*phew* say out feel good.from tml onward i m going to do what i want, dun need to care about anything. coz wht i do is wrong, so why care, just like my bro say just do what we want. talk so much to her also not point. i m just going to concentrate my work, my study, i dun want to be their guai guai girl anymore. be with a guy i want to be, do what i want. i m not going to chose family over relationship.