02.09.2007

realize

recently beside studying and meeting friends. i spend my time with mummy and watch dvd with her... upon watching this family drama series ( Heart of Greed).. there is really a lot of reflect that i did after watching it. all along i realize there is hope for people and good people will entitled with good repay.. but through out my life things wasn't happen in this way. being good to people doesn't mean you will get good repay. i always believe that if a person treat others well from the bottom of the heart will nv expected to get any return and it is a kind of blissing... no matter for who.

loves one is really important and people will tends to forget them becoz they take everything for granted. till the days that they knew they are going to lose them, its just too late...

everyone of us always think that we are the right one and wrong is always the other party. becoz of our instinct we tends to think it that ways but we will nv realize until we lost something dear, something important. in our life we have so many complains, complain we have no money, no one care, so many work to do, no one understand, why my life so bad so sad so miserable .. etc.. just want a simple life. but i realize, the simple life we said isn't that simple at all. we keep demanding and nv we will be satisfaction with what we have. everything seem bad... dont you think that it really sound so contradict?!....

with all those complains and unfortunate thinking, did we ever think of the things that we had?. there are people who dun have family every now and then wish to have. some of them dun have mother, some dont have father, every night in their dream they wish they have them, and yet those who have kept complaining and argue with them, disagree with them or even hate them.. but did you ever think of, if one day they left us, do you still hate them? or you actually start to think of them, forgive them and even miss them every sec. every one of us, from all work of life, having different thinking and different understanding.. but we nv want to admit wrong and spare time to think of others.

thinking of all this points, i start to reflect. having a not happy family, with lots n lots of problems... ever felt disappointed and even break down think of giving up but always think if one falls another also fall the whole family will fall... and so me and my brother support it up together. same for relationship, as and when i will thnk of the past. ever seen i first start to have a boyfriend, i was just a secondary school girl with full of hope and wonders. with immature thinking i hurt somone who really care me so much so much. leaving him with scar, an unforgettable scar that imprints the rest of his life. well think about my 2nd and 3rd boyfriend, got what i want, someone funny and we have lots of same liking of things. and once again my Fantasy blind fold me... and the story start. everything was great at the start but not after long when ones realize there is actually big differences. people always say if there is love nothing could change ones thinking but now i dun think so. no matter how if ones lifestyle is not accepted and thinking very different, never really give in to another party it nv ended up with happy ending. at the same time i also realize in a relationship we tends to say we think for others but actually we dun really do that. me myself din do that too... we always say we do we tink we feel we care, we really do all this? if yes why there is arguments.

though every relationship i went into, tell myself not to make the same mistake i did before but at the same time i bring in a problem too... they always say you dun love me le? you forgot what i did for you? u forget the time we spend? you think i have nothing better to do upon all the things i done for you? etc.. with all words hurtful at the beganing but it actually soften one hearts after some time. no matter what they have done to me, i do angry and say them for not begin understanding did not care. every time i spend with them i hope even think that they are true and each of them will never be replace. there is nothing in the world can be replace. coz everything is time, every sec we past is a history and memorize that reform into me... i always say to my dear ones i forget le.. but deep down inside my heart they can nv be forget coz they did once be a part of your life, a part of your heart. replace, forget are words that just to make you feel better and it is a new chapter of ones life. could i say life is like a ranking chart? we rank people rank work loads , simply we just rank everyone , everything.

i never forget everyone coz they are like atoms that form me. how could i hate them and forget them. no need to say of replacing them. to all my friends and folks and dears onces before, i do really thanks them for what they done for me and give me. you guys can never be deleted and nv be replace. n matter who you are. you will always be remembered and miss. you are words and i m the book.

only words i could say but once i had no confirm to give ones happiness, i will leave and if i am the one to leave first i will nv be the one to say turn back. but that doesn't mean i dun care.